Being Married

Since today is Valentine’s Day, I thought I would share a little bit about my marriage. I’m lucky. I got to marry my best friend. For many people though, they don’t seem to realize that being married to your best friend is important to having a happy marriage. They also don’t seem to realize that if the person isn’t your best friend before you get married, they are not likely to become your best friend after you get married. But again, I am lucky to have married my best friend and so were Will’s parents and my parents and my grandparents…

 

How We Met

It was all my brother’s fault! He knew Will before I did because Will was the only technician my brother would let work on his car. In turn, my brother recommended that Will be the only technician to work on my car. After Will did my brother and I a HUGE favor, Will and I started chatting. One thing led to another and the rest, as they say, is history.

Before and After the Wedding

Many people told me that things would change once we got married and they were partially right. For the most part, however, everything is the same in our marriage relationship as it was in our dating relationship.

Some of the things that didn’t change:

• He still makes me blush
• I still appreciate him
• We still hug and kiss regularly
• We hold hands in public
• He tells me I’m beautiful
• He still wants to take me out on dates
• He still buys me things
• He surprises me
• He makes me laugh
• I still love him and we say it often

Some of the things that did change:

• I love him more and more every day
• I could not live without him even for a moment
• I’ve realized that not everything has to be done my way because he is fully capable of doing things like cleaning, laundry, etc. without messing it up.
• As independent as a person that I am, I am completely dependent on him for many things (like reaching the top shelf in the cupboard).

That is how I think a marriage should be. Your relationship shouldn’t drastically change when you get married. You shouldn’t feel any different about your spouse than your did about them before you got married (unless it is more in love). It shouldn’t be a constant struggle to keep the “love in the air” or keep the “spark” alive. No, I do not feel all “in love” with Will at every moment of every day but it does not change the fact that I love him unconditionally and irrevocably.

Granted, we have only been married a little over a year. Do I think it will always be like this? Yes, because we are ourselves before we got married and after we got married. I’m not trying to be someone I am not and neither is Will. We are who we are and we work extremely well together. Plus, we both have the same views on the more important topics within a marriage (i.e. finances, divorce, discipline). Do I think that things will change? Like any relationship, ours will evolve over time. Do I think it will always be peaches and cream? I don’t. Nor do I expect it to always be perfect and wonderful. I’m sure at some point we will hit a rough patch. Do I think it will change the way we feel about each other or end our marriage? No, definitely not! We’ve always worked through everything together and we always will work through the hard times together. He’s my rock and my balance in life.

Take Aways

If you take nothing else away from this post:

• Marry the person who is your best friend already. Don’t expect them to become your best friend once you get married.
• ALWAYS be yourself in the relationship. (It’s much easier than having to pretend all the time.)
• If you have to work tremendously hard to make a relationship work, then don’t get married. It doesn’t get easier once you’re married.
• It’s worth waiting for the right person. Don’t rush it because you are 30, 35, 40, 50, 60+ years old.
• Divorce should never be an option. Despite the “statistics” many marriages last and are good marriages to boot.
• Make your marriage the best years of your life every day. That way, every day can be like Valentine’s Day.